She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
should my penis look like a turkey
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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