what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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