sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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