Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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