'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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