I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
