my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize