and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You can't special order awesome
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Randomize
