Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
