today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
