just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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