I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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