yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize