I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
