Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
