The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
