I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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