I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
