What did we do last night that was yellow?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
