are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
