your parents love me but you hate me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
