OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
