I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize