My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
