I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
