New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
