I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Four minutes until I can fart!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
