My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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