Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
