You work out of a Hotel?
I faked an abortion last night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
