And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
