and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
