We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
