Cold hands, warm shart.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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