So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
