Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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