I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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