Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
tell me about the eggs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
