This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
