Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The uberlube is also flammable
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
