Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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