In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
