it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
