The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
