I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
