y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
