You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
