try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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