i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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