dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize