xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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