Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
