its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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