Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
