At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
