We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize