Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
