Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
