Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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