Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Please don't give away my fajitas
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
