how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
