I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize