Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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