living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
