you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
