i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
