Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
time to smoke my breakfast
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
