nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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