PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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