dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize