I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
