i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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