i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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