What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
