It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
where are you?
Hypothermia
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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