Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
