My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
