I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
