listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
