no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
