one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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