btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
