She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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