franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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